Just let it go...

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I used to have a broken spirit and I used to hold onto hurts from my past so much that if I thought about it, saw it (people), or encountered it in anyway I would be devastated. It was so bad that it would send me right into a depression. Now, while I sat and wallowed in my hurt those people continued to live their lives. Truth be told the majority of the people who have hurt you either don't know the extent or don't care. I always give you real life situations and this all came 8 yrs after my grandmother passed away. As I sat in church on this Mothers Day Sunday in 2010 I could only think of her and then I looked up to see someone for whom I thought I had forgiven, but it was evident at that moment; I hadn't.

There is nothing like fooling yourself and boy did I on this day. The emotions and feelings of what this person had done came rushing back to me and I sat in church and wept, not because of the holy spirit; but because I was experiencing that hurt all over again. See alot of us do this Sunday in and Sunday out go to church with our hurts and issues and instead of letting them go and leaving them there we allow our emotions to take over and reminisce over those things that came to kill us or destroy our lives. After the service I approached that very person and I was more open with them than I had ever been before. I let them know that I thought i had forgiven them, but it was clear there was still unresolved issues and that maybe one day I can and I even told them that I wanted to; just that at that moment I couldn't. It took a lot of praying and asking God to deal with my heart for me to get to a place of being able to see this person and embrace them and not have any alt in my heart towards them. It takes something to just be real with yourself.

I had to learn that in order to say that I walk with God I had to love like God and I also had to forgive like God. I never understood how after all the scrutiny he received, he was able to love past those things and now I do. The scripture says in Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. I've done things that I should have died for in my lifetime and God saw fit to forgive me, so why can't I do the same when it comes to others? People will do things that we may not understand, but in our hearts we have to be able to forgive them and also love them. That will let you know if you have gotten to a better place. Don't get me wrong, it won't happen overnight, but you have to be willing to LET IT GO!!! I used to bite my lip and not speak to those who have wronged me, but those battles are no longer mine to fight. Remember you are created in love and we have a heart that was created to love. I did it because of this little girl. So, what will be your motivation? Continue to move forward and live.

Posted in: A heart that forgives, albany, author, broken spirit, forgiveness, forgiving, ga, God, heather johnson, hope, how my storms became my story, hurt, Kevin LeVar, letting go, moving on, people